Whether you were married for decades or a few months, surviving a divorce can be an emotional roller coaster ride. Conceding defeat that your time, efforts, and energy in building your marriage went to waste is hard to fathom. And if ending your union was the right choice, it doesn’t mean it would be easy either. While there’s nothing you can do to reverse things, you can soldier on in this challenging phase of your life with these tips.
Put Your Finances Together
Living alone means taking care of your finances while soloing. This requires you to put your finances together, especially if you have kids. Depending on your partying agreement, you may have to cater for rent, school fees, and medical insurance. While getting spousal support through a divorce lawyer Windsor can help, it won’t solve all your financial needs. So, get creative and look for ways to increase your income. You may consider getting another job, working overtime, or opening a side hustle. Developing a budget to track expenses and sticking to it can also give you financial freedom.
Forgive Yourself and Your Ex
Finalizing a divorce can leave you feeling lots of things at a time. You may feel relief that it’s over, sad it didn’t work out, or confused at the whole situation. You may even wonder and start asking yourself how life would have been if you had done things differently. Or whether you played a role in your break-up. Whatever you may be feeling, don’t let the “what ifs” and any second-guessing in your mind. Accept that your marriage is over and move on. Moving on, in this case, requires you to forgive yourself and make peace with your past. This way, it would be easy moving forward.
Since it takes two to tango, your ex could have contributed to the divorce somehow. While processing that is important, don’t let it rule your life moving forward. For this reason, forgive your ex. Remember that you’re not forgiving them for mending the relationship but giving you peace and letting go of any grudges that may interfere with your future life.
Look After Yourself
Seeing your marriage end is not easy. Your emotions may be all over, or you may undergo extreme stress. This is the time that you need yourself most. So, take time and invest in yourself. Yes, it’s important to mourn and feel sad in the initial phases post-divorce, but don’t let that steal your happiness. Occupy yourself with so much positive energy that the divorce no longer bothers you.
Surround yourself with positive people who have your best interest at heart. Eat good foods, stay healthy, be healthy, exercise, get some fresh air, manage your stress, move around, and go swimming. Just do anything that would make you happy.
Don’t jump into another relationship shortly after getting divorced. Stop dating for a while to process everything, to mourn and heal. Then come back to the dating world stronger. Seeing your friends or family’s wedding may spike your desire to do the same. Don’t! Never feel pressured to re-wed; take as long as you want and only consider dating when you feel mentally and emotionally able to be a true partner.
Some divorces can leave people so bitter that they date for revenge. Remember that rebound relationships are unhealthy for both parties, so steer clear of them.
For some, a divorce can lead to serious side effects. Some people may refuse to eat, feel worthless and hopeless, or stop performing at their workplace. Others may undergo depression or have their mental health issues escalate. Consider seeking therapy to make your divorce less painful if this is you.
Working with a therapist provides a safe environment for you to pour out your heart without being judged. A therapist can also offer you support and coping strategies and equip you with the necessary skills to process and manage your emotions and stress.
Think about how your life has been before marriage. Your dreams, life goals, and whether you have accomplished them or not. If not, this may be the best time to accomplish them and do what you’ve always wanted. Take time to explore your past hobbies, favorite places, and what used to interest you back then. You get in touch with your authentic self by rediscovering yourself, knowing who you truly are and your purpose in life. This discovery can help you shape your future the best way you want to.
Divorces are messy and one of the loneliest experiences ever. If you’re in this phase, own your feelings, don’t second-guess yourself, and focus on yourself. Also, remember that you’re worthy of love, and time heals most wounds.